By Regina Nelson
Merriam-Webster declared “they” the 2019 Word of the Year after adding it to the dictionary as a singular pronoun used to refer to a person whose gender identity is non-binary. “They” is a word most of us have used fairly consistently since early elementary school. Many of us learned to diagram sentences as we accurately labeled “they” a pronoun along with its objective form “them”. What has changed in recent years is simply the acceptable use of “they” as a singular pronoun to refer to an individual as well as to a group.
Times change.
Language evolves.
And so must those of us who use it.
Personal pronouns are words that we use as a substitute for the proper name of a person. The awareness of personal pronouns and how they are used has had an awakening in the last several years. Schools, work places and communities have raised the importance of respecting personal pronoun choice. Many (many) years ago, my parents gave me a proper name that aligned with their perspective of my gender. I was young at the time and did not question their choice of the single word that would become how I’ve been referred to my entire life. The name itself has experienced some trimming over the years as friends and family have used “Reg”, “Reggie” or “Gina” to speak of me and my actions. The precedent of the times also attached “she”, “her“ and “hers” as the pronouns that align with my name and person.
Times change.
Language evolves.
We are in a new (hopefully enlightened) time where it is okay to make a self-determination of the pronouns that we feel best align with our name and person and that we would like others to use when they refer to us as people.
As a social conformer, I was quick to engage and accept the personal pronoun discussion. Whatever works for you, works for me. Since I was not planning to make any changes to my referent pronouns, it was a conversation, but not a personal one. I admit that I struggled with using “they” and “them” as singular pronouns at times, but this was mostly because of the fact that I’ve been having my writing proofread and critiqued for the better part of 40 years. For those of us who need to write conforming prose, Merriam-Webster’s change allows us to freely use “they” without a proofreader’s mark. (The fact that over 1000 words are added or have their meaning adjusted in the dictionary each year makes a proofreader’s job a challenging one.)
As popular culture has created a more inclusive snapshot of the world we consume through media and as my own network of friends, acquaintances and colleagues has grown, I’ve begun to understand not only the need for language to evolve but our responsibility to use that language as it is now prescribed.
The words we speak have always been for others, not ourselves. Our thoughts are our own soundtrack, but our spoken words are placed for the benefit of other people to hear. Merriam-Webster has confirmed what many of us have already known – “they” is an acceptable singular personal pronoun that can be used as “he” and “she” are used. Do you prefer “they” as the personal pronoun I use when I am not mentioning you by name? Then I will use “they”.
As language has evolved, so have I. The “8th grade me” would have never used “They” as anything but a plural pronoun – but only because Miss Wasser said it was not an appropriate usage. “2018 me” would avoid using “they” as a singular pronoun because it was awkward and still likely to be edited out of my document or manuscript.
Times change.
Language evolves.
The “2020 me” will use “they” when I refer to you because you told me that it is your preferred pronoun. “They” will find its way into my writing instead of the previously acceptable “s/he” or generally speckling my papers with “she” and “he”. “They” is now my pronoun of choice when I’m not familiar with who I’m writing about.
Our words are for others. Hearing the correct referent raises up individuals. Hearing and reading the wide array of pronouns delivered freely and with respect helps all who use language evolve with it.
Times change.
Language evolves.
And so must those of us who use it.