Back in June, I finally got around to getting my name and gender marker changed in on my documents. The process was long and not on the cheap end, but beyond worth it. Before this change, I felt embarrassed, exposed, anxious, and like an imposter every time I had to show people my old name. If I was meeting with someone new who needed to know my legal status, I would fill up with anxiety.
At the same time, I was beyond scared to go through the process of changing both my name and gender marker. I had never been to court before. What if I filled out the paperwork wrong? What if someone sees my name in the newspaper? What will these people think of me? Will they be hostel? Will I really appear as a man to these people? Will they hurt me? Will the judge deny my request? Hell…will he think I’m trying to pull something and lock me away. ARG! Ultimately, the one thing that pushed me through this process was attending a workshop the Doyle Center for Gender and Sexuality put on (a space I ironically would work for just months after the workshops) on gender and name changes. This workshop was run by lawyers from Trans Law Wisconsin who volunteer their time to help folks going through the name and gender marker change process. Having someone explain exactly what to do rather than some website I found eased my anxiety enough to push myself through the process.
The scariest moment of this entire process was going in front of a judge. I was expecting hell and got the exact opposite. I essentially was asked to verify my name and that I still wanted to do this. I said yes and he approved it right away along with a congratulations. I was in shock at how painless it was. The rest of the process involved updating my name various places such as Social Security and the Division of Motor Vehicles office, all of which were just as painless.
Changing (or I like to say updating) my legal name has changed my life in so many positive ways. I can see a doctor and not worry about the wrong name being listed everywhere. If I get pulled over, the right name will be used, and I don’t have to worry about the police office thinking my ID is a fake. The correct name appears on all my work documents now. All of this and more have given me not only peace of mind, but also a sense of validity.